Beyond Coping: How to Cultivate a Thriving Mindset

“We are not here to get to tomorrow. We are here for today, to bloom today. We were made to Thrive!”
- Mark Hall

Introduction:

One of the questions I like to ask new clients to help me understand whether they are in survival mode or thriving mode is how they feel when they get out of bed each morning. I also like to ask – if they had an ‘energy bank account’, would that account be in surplus, barely breaking even, or in overdraft.

Very few say they are energized and excited to start their day, and many say that energetically they are barely getting by, feeling constantly exhausted and drained.

This is upsetting because it doesn’t have to be like this. I am aware that for someone who is just getting by in this way, who is in survival mode, the idea of being able to change their situation seems very far away and it's even more exhausting to think about what they’d have to do to get there.

Moving from survival mode and embracing a thriving mindset doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

It’s not so much about making big, dramatic changes. It’s more about making shifts in your energy and mindset, which then brings about positive transformation.

In this article, I’ll explore what that looks like in practical terms, and I’ll share some feedback from clients that will help you see that what I’m sharing really does work.

The Coping Trap

When someone is coping and barely getting by, they usually stay in that state because of one or more of the following:

• They feel they have no choice

• They don’t know what to do to change their situation

• They don’t believe it’s possible to change

• They may have tried different things in the past that haven’t worked

We can live this way for a long time – tolerating things that keep us trapped, like:

• Toxic job situations

• Financial struggles

• Relationship challenges

• Increasing levels of stress and anxiety

• Taking care of everyone else, but never having your needs met

• Not prioritizing self-care

• Feeling pulled in too many different directions

• Dealing with other people’s expectations

The underlying causes of staying in survival mode usually have to do with the beliefs and conditioning we have grown up with. The beliefs that tell us things like:

• We’re not good enough

• We don’t deserve to be happy and successful

• We’re not lovable

• We have to struggle

• We have to be responsible for everyone else around us

When you are carrying these types of core beliefs, you will find that every time you seem to have a little hope and things start improving a little bit, something happens to pull you back and keep you in the same types of situations.

This is the survival part of your brain that kicks in to remind you that you can’t be happier or more successful than you are now. This is it. This is all you deserve.

When this pattern continues to happen, it then confirms the beliefs you have. If these beliefs are true, then this must be how life has to be for you. The survival brain kicks in to limit your personal growth and life satisfaction once again.

It seems impossible to change.

But it is possible. I know first-hand because I’ve had (and overcome) all of these beliefs myself and I help clients move past these beliefs as well.

I know that can be hard to believe, and you might be thinking this kind of change would take a very long time. Let me share some feedback from one of my program participants that shows you what’s possible:

As you can see, Marie began to notice dramatic changes within just 5 weeks.

Here’s what it takes:

Self-Awareness

The first and most important step is to know yourself. It’s important to dig deep to understand what beliefs, fears and doubts you really have. You can’t change any of these things until you are aware of them.

You might think you already know yourself, that you’re aware of what you want to change, but just haven’t been able to do it. But do you really know yourself?

Beth thought she did:

Once you begin to develop the level of self-awareness you need, it’s easier to see how you’ve been channeling your energy into the wrong things. Just like Beth, who discovered how she was keeping herself in survival mode.

This is how you begin to break the cycle of coping and surviving and make the shift towards embracing a thriving mindset.

Here are some techniques that will help:

• Pay attention to yourself: just as Beth shared, you must make yourself your highest priority. Notice how you feel – when you feel great, and when you don’t. What triggers uncomfortable emotions and what drains your energy?

• Relax and Surrender: it sounds counter-intuitive, because when things aren’t going the way you want them to, the last thing you feel you can do is relax. But when you are able to let go of the need to control and you accept where you are – that’s when the magic can happen, and clarity comes in. You stop fighting your situations and allow new possibilities to come to you.

• Get to Know the Saboteurs: According to Positive Intelligence, there are 10 saboteurs that make up the survival part of our brain. These personalities include the Judge and the Perfectionist and if you’d like to learn about all 10, I have put together a mini-course that goes into detail about each one.
  
  If you’d like free access to that course, drop me a note and I’ll send you the link. Noticing when and how your saboteurs are active and how they influence you takes away their power, helping you to transform the beliefs that activate them. Here’s a blog post about saboteurs that shares a little more information.

• Focus on What’s Working: We often stay stuck in coping mode because our brains fixate on everything that’s wrong and not working as we’d like in our lives. It’s not about ignoring these things, but rather about recognizing that when you continue to put all your energy and focus on them, you will attract more things that are wrong. Instead, acknowledge what isn’t working, but look for what is.
  
  Find and acknowledge at least one good thing about your day, every day. Focusing on what IS working more than on what isn’t helps to change your energetic frequency, so you attract more things to feel good about, creating positive shifts into a thriving mindset.

• Build a Supportive Network: Many people grew up not receiving the love and support they needed. As a result, they’re used to having to figure everything out for themselves. They feel like they’re on their own, nobody truly understands them or is there for them.
  
  This was my experience. I always felt I was on my own and I found it difficult to find people I could really trust. I promise that when you shift into a thriving mindset you will attract people who understand, who encourage and support you, and who are invested in your success. You can start right here and join our (free) Private Harmony Inside & Out Community. We’d love to have you.

Make understanding YOU your number 1 priority – this is how you move from survival mode into thriving mode – just like this:

Be Willing to Learn and Grow

It takes courage to stop focusing on what’s happening externally and to really get to know yourself at the deepest levels.

You may be afraid of what you’ll find – just like Beth who said she “saw parts of myself I didn’t know existed.” But those parts of you that you’re not aware of are running the show. If you are just getting by and coping in life, those parts of you are in control.

As uncomfortable as it might be to identify and look at them, it’s the only way forward. This is how you take away their power.

Just like Tracey said “I have allowed fear way too much power over me. It doesn’t have to be that way.” Once you identify what’s going on then you can move through it to the other side.

When you shine a light on what’s been hidden for so long, it loses its power over you.

It does take courage. It’s uncomfortable at times. And this is how you transform and grow. One of my coaches told me you have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” It’s true. When you’re willing to do that there’s nothing that can hold you back. This is when you allow yourself to truly thrive.

Every situation you encounter in your daily life (particularly the difficult ones) gives you the opportunity to learn something about yourself, to grow and move into a thriving mindset.

When you are willing to continually learn and grow in this way, there’s nothing that can stop you.

Conclusion

If you are in survival mode right now, barely managing to get through each day, the first thing is to recognize that, no matter what hasn’t worked in the past, it is possible to change.

Recognize that it’s possible to move from a survival mindset to a thriving one and ask yourself if that’s what you want. Because if it’s what you really want, then it’s possible.

Self-Awareness is the key, because you have to know what’s affecting your energy and what is driving you. Once you have this awareness, then you’ll be able to change what’s not working and put your energy into what is.

You can start today by:

• Choosing one area to improve and take a small step towards making a change.

• Join the Harmony Inside & Out Membership group – it’s free and you’ll find extra resources to support you, as well as discounts to masterclasses and monthly group coaching.

• Take the Personal Energy Assessment to learn more about your energy levels and what’s affecting you.

• After taking the Personal Energy Assessment, go through the short course that goes with the Assessment (you’ll be sent a link after completing the assessment).

• Reach out to me for the link to the Saboteurs course to learn more about the 10 saboteurs that control the survival brain.

All of these suggestions are things you can start right now and don’t cost a thing.

You cannot thrive when you are stuck in survival mode. And you absolutely do deserve to thrive.

I guide you to clarity, breakthroughs and practical solutions that lead to the positive change you want. Real solutions, real results. Start with a free Personal Energy Assessment, and see what's possible for you.