Break Free from the Comparison Trap

"Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another."
- Marquis de Condorcet

Introduction:

When was the last time you compared yourself to someone else? Maybe during a family event, a business meeting, or while scrolling through social media, you started to feel bad about your life, or question your life choices.

It’s the kind of thing that can sneak up on you – for example, I recall feeling inadequate during a group call after hearing someone boast about their two-hour morning meditation routine, and how that made them a more ‘spiritual’ person.

My initial thoughts were of feeling inadequate, because there was no way I could meditate for 2 hours. I like to meditate, but I usually do it in the afternoon, sometimes for 20 minutes, sometimes 30 or 45 and occasionally for an hour.

I began to feel that I was doing it wrong, and that I ‘should’ do what she did and get up early so I could meditate for longer.

And then I realized how crazy that was. There was no need to compare myself to her or to anyone else. 2 hours in the morning might work well for her, but that was not going to work for me. I had to stick to what works for me and feel good about that.

Comparing myself to her led me to feeling inadequate and inferior, like I was doing something wrong.

Can you identify with this experience?

Understanding the Comparison Trap

According to an article in Psychology Today, people often evaluate themselves against others in areas like attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, and success. The article also reports that “as much as 10% of our thoughts involve comparisons of some kind.”

We often compare ourselves unconsciously, just as I did, which can automatically lead to ongoing feelings of inadequacy if we don’t catch ourselves in time. While comparison can sometimes inspire us, if example if you look at what someone else is doing and it inspires you to learn something new or expand your thinking in some way – it can be a good thing,

More often than not comparing negatively impacts our mental health and personal growth.

The Result of Comparison

Constant comparison distracts you from your personal objectives and may well lead to reduced self-esteem and happiness. It often makes you feel that you are not good enough, and steals joy from your own accomplishments.

Comparison wastes not only emotional and mental energy but also gives away your power, leading to imposter syndrome and feelings of never being good enough.

Example: A client recently shared how she began to feel pressured because her friends’ children were getting married and having children, whereas her own adult children are pursuing their careers and showing no sign of settling down. She didn’t know what to say when they asked her when her children would be getting married or when she would see grandchildren arriving.

Her children are happy and thriving in their lives – why would anyone pressure them to change?

Your life does not have to look the same as anyone else’s, and your children’s lives don’t either. Don’t let someone make you feel there must be something wrong because you’re not fitting in to the expectations of others.

If you're highly sensitive or empathic, it's even more crucial to avoid the comparison trap and focus on finding and traveling your unique path.

Many of the HSP clients I work with are struggling because they think what works for others should work for them in the same way. What I help them to do is find what works for them, to find their own unique way, because trying to do things in the same way and expecting the same results as others doesn’t work. You have to find YOUR way.

How to Recognize Comparison in Daily Life

Constant comparison distracts you from your personal objectives and may well lead to reduced self-esteem and happiness. It often makes you feel that you are not good enough, and steals joy from your own accomplishments.

Comparison wastes not only emotional and mental energy but also gives away your power, leading to imposter syndrome and feelings of never being good enough.

Example: A client recently shared how she began to feel pressured because her friends’ children were getting married and having children, whereas her own adult children are pursuing their careers and showing no sign of settling down. She didn’t know what to say when they asked her when her children would be getting married or when she would see grandchildren arriving.

Her children are happy and thriving in their lives – why would anyone pressure them to change?

Your life does not have to look the same as anyone else’s, and your children’s lives don’t either. Don’t let someone make you feel there must be something wrong because you’re not fitting in to the expectations of others.

If you're highly sensitive or empathic, it's even more crucial to avoid the comparison trap and focus on finding and traveling your unique path.

Many of the HSP clients I work with are struggling because they think what works for others should work for them in the same way. What I help them to do is find what works for them, to find their own unique way, because trying to do things in the same way and expecting the same results as others doesn’t work. You have to find YOUR way.

Signs You're Falling into the Trap

• Be aware of times when comparison and judgment kick in, like when hearing about someone else's accomplishments makes you question your worth.

• Notice when self-doubt creeps in or when you feel a sense of unease or unhappiness.

• Any time you feel superior or inferior to someone else, it’s a sign you're caught in the comparison trap.

Practical Steps to Stop Comparing

• Mindfulness and Awareness: Cultivate a strong sense of self-awareness to catch moments of comparison as they arise.

• Gratitude Practice: Focus more on what you have rather than what you lack. A daily gratitude practice will shift your perspective and reduce the need to compare.

• Celebrate Strengths and Personal Achievements: Acknowledge and feel good about your strengths and accomplishments. When you feel good about what you’re achieving, you won’t feel the urge to compare.

• Set Personal Goals and Intentions: Aim to be better today than you were yesterday, focusing solely on YOUR personal growth and achievements.

• Be Willing to Learn: Instead of comparing, learn from the success of others. This turns envy into inspiration and can enhance your personal journey.

• Embrace Your Uniqueness and Individuality: Every person's path is unique and valuable. Commit to understanding and embracing your own traits and journey.

Conclusion

Make a conscious effort to notice when and how you compare yourself to others and observe how it makes you feel. Decide to redirect your thoughts in supportive and helpful ways.

I’ve created a downloadable pdf document with some helpful exercises and prompts that will help you to break from the comparison trap. You can download it here.

A great starting point to develop a deeper understanding of yourself is by taking the Personal Energy Assessment, followed by scheduling an Assessment Review Session to discuss your results. This will help you tailor a personal growth path that respects your unique circumstances and traits, setting you on a course to genuine self-fulfillment.

I guide you to clarity, breakthroughs and practical solutions that lead to the positive change you want. Real solutions, real results. Start with a free Personal Energy Assessment, and see what's possible for you.