Regaining Your Power: How to Stop Giving Your Energy Away

“When you react you are giving away your power. When you respond you are staying in control of yourself.”
- Bob Proctor

Introduction:

We often find ourselves caught in patterns where we surrender our energy and power to others or to our circumstances.

This constant surrender of energy not only diminishes our effectiveness but will ultimately lead to a profound sense of frustration and disempowerment, as we find ourselves fitting in to other people's opinions and expectations.

Recognizing these patterns, understanding where, how and why we give our power away allows us to regain control of ourselves. Reclaiming control is transformative and is essential for greater personal success and well-being.

In this article we’ll explore just a few of the most common ways we give our power away.

A Few Ways We Give Our Power Away

Seeking Validation

One common way we give away our power is when we look for validation from others. Whether it's in our professional lives or personal relationships, the constant need for approval makes us dependent on external feedback to feel valued.

When you rely on others for validation in this way, you will inevitably be disappointed as others cannot always deliver what you need. This dependency shifts control from our inner selves to those around us, affecting our self-esteem and decision-making abilities.

Inability to Say No

Another significant way we lose power is by failing to set boundaries. Saying yes when we want to say no, or agreeing to commitments that overextend us, leads to burnout and ultimately resentment. Each time we agree to something that doesn’t align with our needs or desires, we chip away at our independence, self-confidence and strength.

You may feel that saying no would upset someone or make them dislike you. Saying yes when you want to say no doesn’t benefit anyone, because whatever you do will then have the energy of resentment behind it.

Emotional Reactions

Reacting emotionally to situations or other people's actions can also drain our power. When we let someone’s negative comment ruin our day or a minor setback upset us disproportionately, we give external circumstances the power to affect our inner peace and happiness.

When someone upsets you, instead of giving your power to them by making it about them, instead, choose to look at what has been triggered in you. Have they triggered anger, sadness, frustration? Where does that really come from? It’s not about them; it’s about you and what’s inside you. Exploring your own emotional reactions is where your power lies, rather than blaming them for what they’ve said or done.

Victim Mode

Blaming external circumstances or other people for what’s going wrong leaves us feeling powerless. This victim mentality is a direct surrender of power, as it places responsibility for our happiness outside ourselves. If you feel you must wait until everything in the world and in your life is perfect before you can be happy you will be waiting a very long time.

You can’t control the Government, what’s happening in the World, what other people say or do, but you can control how you respond to it. The more you reclaim your power, the more you will thrive, no matter what is going on externally, and you’ll see every challenging experience as an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself, to heal and grow stronger.

The Consequences of Giving Away Our Power

The consequences of these patterns are profound. Giving your energy and power away leads to constant stress and emotional turmoil, which in turn leads to health issues such as anxiety, depression, and even physical illness. If your happiness is always contingent on external factors that are frequently beyond your control, you will experience a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and frustration.

Professionally, giving your power away can sabotage your career. You’ll wonder why you’re not making the progress you want in your career or business. You’ll see others succeeding who are not as capable or as competent as you. You may be treated unfairly or find yourself in one toxic work situation after another, stifling your growth.

In your personal life, it will create strain in relationships and prevent genuine connections based on mutual respect and understanding.

When you don’t claim your power, others will be happy to take it and manipulate you into serving their own agenda.

The Importance of Awareness

Becoming aware of how and when you give away your power is the first step towards reclaiming it. Awareness allows you to start making different choices, choices that align more closely with your values and authentic self. It is an important shift that enables you to begin living more deliberately and less reactively.

This awareness isn't about blaming yourself for your vulnerabilities but about recognizing them as areas and opportunities for growth and empowerment. It involves understanding the roots of these behaviors—often grounded in past experiences or ingrained societal norms—and consciously deciding to change your story.

The Transformative Impact of Retaining Your Power

When we stop giving our power away, the changes are transformative:

• Increased Self-Esteem: When you validate yourself rather than seeking external approval, your self-esteem begins to grow from within. This intrinsic self-worth is more stable and cannot be shaken by the ups and downs of life.

• Enhanced Decision-Making: With increased self-reliance, your decisions reflect your true desires, leading to greater satisfaction and effectiveness in achieving personal and professional goals.

• Improved Relationships: Setting clear boundaries enhances relationships. When you express your needs and expectations more clearly and in an empowered way, you’ll find it generates more openness and respect. Yes, you may lose some relationships, because sometimes people who have been used to manipulating you won’t like it when you reclaim your power, but these are not people you want to be around anyway. The relationship was not healthy to begin with as it only served them, and not you.

• Greater Emotional Stability: Managing your emotional responses to external events places you firmly in control of your emotional well-being. This stability allows you to face challenges with a clearer mind and a stronger resolve. Yes, there may be times when your emotions overwhelm you, but with awareness, you’ll know how to go within to learn from and manage your emotions, putting you firmly in control.

Conclusion

Taking back your power is not just about saying no or standing your ground. It's about understanding that you are in control of your life and you don’t need to hand that responsibility to anyone else. You have the ability to construct a life that feels fulfilling and true to who you are. You no longer let your circumstances or the people around you dictate your happiness and success.

As you become more aware of the moments when you give your power away and start making changes, you’ll notice a significant shift in your daily experiences and overall quality of life. You’ll find that you are stronger than you think, capable of meeting life’s challenges with grace and determination.

A Personal note

I've shared before about how I grew up with no self-confidence or self-esteem, believing that I had little, if any, value. I felt powerless then, and I am a testament to the fact that once you become aware, it is possible to take your power back.

Once you begin to do this, life will continue to get better and better as you become stronger and stronger.

As a (now) recovering perfectionist and people-pleaser, I gave my power away all the time - mainly because I didn't think I had any.

If you are experiencing the effects of continually giving your power away; if you are feeling powerless, scattered or directionless, I want you to know you can change that.

Take Action

I invite you to join me and a small group of participants for the Take Your Power Back 6-week program starting on March 4th. You'll find all the details here.

I guide you to clarity, breakthroughs and practical solutions that lead to the positive change you want. Real solutions, real results. Start with a free Personal Energy Assessment, and see what's possible for you.