The Mirror Question: Learn From Every Experience (So You Can Move On)

The Mirror Question: Learn From Every Experience (So You Can Move On)

“View life as a continuous learning experience.” — Denis Waitley

When “high standards” become high stress

When you’re highly sensitive, you often notice what other people miss—tone, timing, energy, micro-shifts in behavior. Many sensitive, empathic professionals also have strong personal expectations and perfectionist tendencies.

That combination can create a specific kind of frustration at work:

• someone says they’ll do something…and doesn’t

• a client changes their mind repeatedly

• a coworker takes credit, avoids responsibility, or delays

• a manager expects excellence but tolerates dysfunction

At first, the emotional response is understandable: anger, disappointment, exhaustion.

Over time, frustration can harden into a belief:

“I can only rely on myself.”

That belief can look like competence.

But energetically, it often becomes survival mode—over-functioning, resentment, and emotional withdrawal.

If your nervous system gets activated during these moments—tight chest, racing mind, breath is fast and shallow—nothing is “wrong” with you. It’s simply information.

The pattern that follows you (until it doesn’t)

Here’s what I’ve seen again and again:

You can change jobs, teams, clients, even industries… and still meet a similar “difficult person” or “impossible situation.”

Not because you’re unlucky.

Because life tends to repeat the lesson until you learn what it came to teach.

This is where a simple shift becomes powerful.

The Mirror Question

Instead of staying focused on what they’re doing, turn inward and ask:

“What do I need to learn from this situation so I can move on?”

This doesn’t excuse bad behavior.

It doesn’t make something unfair “okay.”

It simply returns your power—because the only person you can truly change is you.

Eckhart Tolle has a simple reminder I often come back to: “Whatever you fight, you strengthen.”

When you stop fighting and start learning, your energy changes—and then your options change.

A client example: “Julie” (the project she dreaded every year)

A client I’ll call Julie ran her own business. Every year, the same person would return asking for the same project.

And every year it felt draining:

• unclear expectations

• constant changes

• dissatisfaction at the end

• Julie bracing herself for criticism

She kept saying yes out of obligation… and fear about money.

When we explored the lesson, her clarity was simple (and brave):

She was doing work she didn’t enjoy out of duty—at the expense of herself.

She chose a new standard:

• “I get to work with people who value my work.”

• “I get to choose clients who are clear and respectful.”

• “I don’t trade my peace for income.”

And here’s the interesting part: once she made that internal decision, the situation resolved itself. The client told her she was moving away and wouldn’t be working with her anymore.

When you learn what you need to learn, you often don’t need the same situation again.

A second example: “Steve” (it wasn’t the job)

Steve’s work became intolerable after a company takeover. People were laid off, and those who remained had to do multiple roles. The pressure was intense and it started affecting his health.

When he was offered a new job, it looked like the solution—until the new role became restrictive too. He felt trapped again.

Then he said something that changed everything:

“It’s not the job, is it? It’s me.”

Not in a blaming way—an awakening way.

He realized he’d chosen his profession mainly because the money was good, not because it fit who he truly was. His internal misalignment was being reflected in his work experiences.

He had two options:

• begin exploring what he would genuinely love to do (and create a path toward it), or

• find a way to be at peace where he was while he built clarity

Once he stopped fighting and brought conscious awareness to his patterns, new opportunities appeared—and his work life improved dramatically.

The 5-step “Learn and Move On” practice (for difficult people)

If you’re in a work situation that triggers you, try this gentle reset. It works best on paper.

Step 1 — Identify what’s happening (facts only)

Write it as if you’re an outside observer:

• “Deadlines change after I begin.”

• “I’m interrupted and dismissed in meetings.”

• “A client approves, then reverses decisions.”

Facts calm the emotional swirl.

Step 2 — Name how you feel (honestly)

Write what’s true:

• angry

• disappointed

• unheard

• powerless

• anxious

• resentful

No judging. Just truth.

Step 3 — Clarify what you want (give your energy somewhere useful)

This is where your focus shifts:

• “I want clear expectations.”

• “I want respectful communication.”

• “I want to feel steady doing my job.”

• “I want work that fits my strengths.”

When you put more energy into what you want than what you don’t want, your inner world begins to reorganize.

Step 4 — Be willing to learn (this is the turning point)

Ask:

“What is this teaching me about me?”

Possibilities that often come up for sensitive, perfection-leaning people:

• I’m learning to set boundaries.

• I’m learning to stop over-functioning.

• I’m learning to trust myself.

• I’m learning to stop chasing approval.

• I’m learning that I’ve been too hard on myself.

Sometimes the “difficult person” is simply triggering an old wound—self-doubt, fear of conflict, fear of disappointing others.

Step 5 — Change your response (one small shift)

A small shift is often enough to change the entire dynamic.

Try one of these:

• set one clear expectation in writing

• ask one clarifying question before you begin

• pause before you “rescue” the project

• say no once (kindly, firmly)

• stop doing “duty work” that drains you

Here are two simple scripts:

Boundary Script (client who changes everything):

“Happy to help. For the next step, I’ll need your final decision by ___ so the project stays on track.”

Work Script (coworker who dumps tasks):

“I can support one of these items this week. Which one is the priority?”

And don’t overlook the environment. Tiny environmental shifts often lead to a greater sense of inner ease. Even one calm surface in your workspace can signal safety to your nervous system.

A question to sit with this week

If something is repeatedly frustrating you, try asking—then give it a few days:

“What do I need to learn from this situation so I can move on?”

You may not get the answer instantly.

But if you stay open, you’ll often notice clarity arriving in small pieces—through journaling, body signals, or a quiet inner knowing.

Gentle Invitation:

If self-doubt, perfectionism, or “I’m not good enough” thoughts tend to get loud—especially in work situations—you’re welcome to take my 2-minute Imposter Syndrome / “Good Enough?” Quiz here:

https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/quiz/yhVfXH83yN2Au9dj7zD3

More Resources

• If you’d like my Dealing with Difficult People resource, DM me “DIFFICULT” for a copy.

• Books & resources: https://lindabinns.com/books

Closing:

I guide you to clarity—so you can release what’s heavy, realign with who you are, and take gentle, practical steps that create real change.