Becoming Comfortable with the Unknown

Do you feel you have to know every action step, and how things are going to work out before you make a move?

Most of us do. We have a fear of the unknown, and so we try to control everything.

What happens when you've done the research, made the lists, envisioned your desired outcome, and still the next step won't reveal itself clearly enough to feel safe?

If that sounds familiar, I want you to understand: the problem isn't that you haven't figured it out yet. The problem is the belief that you have to.

This has been front and center for me ever since I created my Personal Energy Blueprint. It clearly states:

• You are here to learn to love the unknown

• You will have to make your life up as you go along

• It is of great importance that you really enjoy your life

I have to tell you, this was not really what I wanted to hear. All my life I’ve been told you have to have a plan, you have to set goals, you have to have clear action steps and a clear outcome in mind. But the interesting thing is that whenever I did that, I experienced more struggle.

So on many levels what my blueprint was telling me made sense, but it has taken some work to release my mind’s resistance to it.

Now, I find freedom in this. Knowing that I don’t have to have everything planned out, that I don’t need to fixate on an outcome is liberating. I really am finding joy in making my life up as I go along, and I am learning to love the unknown – all of which means I am now able to really enjoy my life in ways I never could before.

I want to emphasize that this is what’s true for me – it may not be at all what’s true for you. But I do believe there is a benefit for all of us in learning to be comfortable with the unknown, because you can’t possibly know everything ahead of time, and trying to figure it out can be exhausting.

Why We Crave Certainty (and Why It's Not Your Fault)

Wanting to know what's coming is deeply human. Our nervous systems are wired to scan for threat, and the unknown registers as one, even when nothing is actually wrong.

Research backs this up. A 2016 study published in Nature Communications found that people were more stressed when they didn't know whether they'd receive a mild electric shock than when they knew for certain they would. Uncertainty itself, not the outcome, was the greater source of stress.

So, if not knowing feels uncomfortable, know that it’s simply biology, not a personal failing. And that means we can learn to see and experience uncertainty differently.

The Hidden Cost of Needing to Know

For accomplished women especially, certainty can become a kind of armor. We've built careers and families on being prepared. Being the one with the plan.

But when needing to know becomes a requirement for moving, it can cost us:

• We delay our lives. We wait for a clarity that only arrives after we take a step.

• We override our own knowing. We trust the spreadsheet or other people’s advice over the feeling in our body.

• We exhaust ourselves. Going over and over things in our minds, trying to figure it all out, drains the very energy we need to move forward.

• We shrink our options. We may ultimately choose what's predictable over what's true.

Success should never cost you yourself, and neither should the pursuit of certainty.

Clarity Comes From Moving, Not Thinking

The novelist E.L. Doctorow once compared writing to driving at night: you can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole journey that way.

Life works the same way. You don't need the full map. You need enough light for the next stretch of road.

This is something I've seen and experienced again and again in 27 years of working with people and their energy: clarity is rarely the thing that comes before the step. It's the thing the step gives you.

What Your Energy Blueprint Can Teach You About Not Knowing

Not everyone is designed to know in the same way, and that's liberating.

• Some of us are designed to respond, not initiate. If that's you, your next step isn't something you have to invent from nothing. It will show up in what life presents. Your job is to notice what lights you up when it arrives.

• Some of us need time to feel into decisions. For people with emotional authority, waiting is wisdom, not avoidance.

• Some minds aren't built for certainty at all. An open, flexible mind is a gift for seeing possibility, not a flaw to be fixed with more planning.

When you understand how you are designed to make decisions, the unknown stops feeling like frustration that something is wrong. It becomes the space your next step naturally emerges from.

One blueprint client shared:

“Now I’m much more intentional about my energy and how I structure my day. It’s helping me show up for myself in a completely different way.

Understanding my blueprint reminds me every day that I need to respect how I’m designed and structure my life around that.”

5 Gentle Practices for Living with the Unknown

1. Name it. When you notice yourself spiraling into "but what if," pause and simply say, "I don’t need to know right now." Saying this gently loosens its grip.

2. Ask what you DO know. Shift from "What's the whole plan?" to "What's true for me today?" There's almost always one thing you know: what you value, what you don't want, what feels good. Start there.

3. Check in with your body, not just your mind. Your mind will offer a hundred options. Your body tends to offer a simpler yes or no. Ask: Does this feel expansive, or does it feel tight and restrictive?

4. Take the next small, true step. It doesn’t have to be a whole leap. Just the next step that feels right. A conversation. A question. An afternoon to explore. Let it show you what comes after.

5. Build safety around you, not certainty ahead of you. You can't guarantee the future, but you can create stability now: rest, routines that nourish you, and people who support you and remind you who you are. Uncertainty is far easier to deal with when you're not holding it alone.

The Freedom on the Other Side

Here's what I've learned: the unknown isn't empty. It's full of possibilities you couldn't have planned for, because you hadn't met them yet.

When you stop demanding every answer up front, something eases. You start trusting yourself again. You notice opportunities you'd have missed while you were busy trying to figure things out. You begin to live your life rather than rehearse it.

Martin Luther King Jr. is often quoted as saying - you don't need to see the whole staircase. You just need to trust yourself enough to take the next step.

Embracing what my blueprint tells me about how I’m designed has been truly liberating for me. I now focus on enjoying my life and doing what feels right to me, rather than wasting my energy by trying to force a plan.

Are you ready to understand how you are designed to move through uncertainty? Your Personal Energy Blueprint reveals how you make decisions, create and relate, so you can stop guessing and start trusting yourself. First step: Schedule a Personal Energy Reading here ($97).